In a world full of teenage romance, where emotions run high, there exists a darker reality that goes unnoticed: teen dating violence. Far from the realm of innocent crushes and first relationships, this issue lurks in the shadows, affecting countless teenagers every year.

To truly understand the severity of this issue, we need to be able to recognize it in our everyday lives. Abuse can show up in many different forms and dynamics, some that may seem obvious, while others are harder to spot. 

Physical abuse is the most easily recognizable type of abuse, often because it leaves a mark. Many think that physical abuse is only someone hurting or scarring another person, but in reality physical abuse can be any kind of unwanted contact, as it usually escalates over time.

Many people think that sexual abuse only consists of rape or harrasment, and while that is a very prevalent aspect that teens need to be aware of, sexual abuse can be any sexual behavior that is forced upon someone without their consent. For example, trying to control your own decisions about your sexuality can also be considered a type of sexual abuse. It is more likely for teenagers to be sexually assaulted by someone they know than by a stranger, which is something that is often overlooked in teenage relationships, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

Abuse doesn’t always have to be physical though, some of the most common, yet less obvious types of abuses are: verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse. These are the most overlooked types of abuses, with some people ignoring them completely and just accepting that they are normal.

“Gaslighting” is a very common type of psychological abuse in teenage relationships. Gaslighting makes one partner doubt themselves and convinces them that they can’t trust themselves, making them more dependent on their abuser. It can be very subtle, you might not even realize that it is happening at first. Starting with small moments like: your partner telling you that you are overreacting or them constantly changing the subject and not letting you talk. These small moments may seem insignificant at the time, but if left unchecked, they can turn into a very toxic and controlling relationship.

A popular tactic many abusers use to control their partners is isolation. Abusers will separate their partners from all other aspects of their life that don’t involve them, which can create a sense of dependency on the abusive partner, according to the American Psychological Association. They will separate them from any type of support, so that they are less likely to seek help.

There are many short-and-long-term effects that come with unhealthy teenage relationships. Victims are likely to develop anxiety and depression symptoms, as well as engaging in harmful behaviors, like using tobacco, drugs, and alcohol. Society also makes it where victims in these types of situations feel as if everything that happened was their fault and they are the ones to blame. 

After leaving a toxic relationship, victims will most likely need a lot of support and comfort from their loved ones. It is completely normal and even encouraged for people to seek help and guidance during this difficult time. 

Friends and families of survivors have the responsibility to help their loved ones through this difficult time in their lives and through their healing journey. They also have the responsibility of speaking up if they observe anything out of the ordinary, in order to stop the violence before it starts.

In order to protect more teens and adolescents from the dangers of dating violence, people need to be educated on the risks and open to communication about all types of abuse. A way to do this is to teach safe and healthy relationship skills to children early on so they know what to look for and what not to look for in future relationships.

Teen dating violence is a much bigger problem than it seems. About 1 in 12 teenagers have suffered from some type of physical or sexual abuse from a romantic partner, according to the New York State Government. This issue is rarely spoken about and needs to be addressed more in order to bring awareness and hopefully help victims stuck in a dangerous situation.

On this Teen Dating Violence Awareness Day, society is reminded to look out for even the smallest signs of abuse and to not just stand by and do nothing about it, but to stand up and help anyone who may be suffering alone, too scared to speak up for themselves.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233